Gecko Heads

Diablo: I see you're getting more food.

Phoenix: That is the intent, but you keep eating out of my bowl.

Diablo: How many geckos have you eaten?

Phoenix: Seven or eight.

Diablo: You never eat the heads.

Phoenix: Too personal.

Diablo: What?

Heat

Phoenix: She is such a push over. For months your diet has been strictly rabbit and peas. Your fur has grown back and you are shedding more cat hair than a New Zealander can shear off a sheep.

Diablo: Lamb’s good. I love lamb.

Phoenix: Now every morning when she fixes a cup of decaf, she gives you a spoonful of half and half.

Diablo: Cream’s good. I love cream too.

Phoenix: You’re spoiled rotten.

Diablo: Hey, I don’t see you hiding behind the door when the refrigerator is open. I also noticed more food in your bowl every day. She called you scrawny in one of her stories.

Phoenix: She called you chunky.

Diablo: Hey, it’s the fur.

Phoenix: Yeah, and I went to England to frighten the little mouse under the Queen’s chair.

Diablo: You think she is ever going to turn on the air?

Phoenix: I doubt it.

Diablo: I wish I was still naked.

Viper

Phoenix: I’d be careful if I were you.

Diablo: Are you kidding me? It’s long. Wiggly. What could happen?

Phoenix: It has teeth.

Diablo: No way. Looks like a long rope.

Phoenix: Yeah way. Remember that gecko you ate the other day?

Diablo: What about it?

Phoenix: Remember when it was hanging from your lip?

Diablo: Annoying little thing. Hung there like a clothespin to the clothesline.

Phoenix: It was biting you, stupid.

Diablo: So?

Phoenix: So, this thing has two fangs just like you.

Diablo: But I got claws.

Phoenix: That snake has a bite a hundred times worse than that gecko. By the way, why did you just eat the hind legs?

Diablo: Got bored after it died.

Not Butter

Phoenix: Broccoli? What kind of meal is broccoli?

Diablo: It’s pretty good.

Phoenix: Yeah, right. And while you sit there begging for a floret, I’m in the kitchen lickin’ butter out of the tub.

Diablo: It’s not butter.

Phoenix: Tastes like butter. I can’t believe it isn’t butter.

Diablo: It's Brummel & Brown. Made with yogurt.

Phoenix: Well, it beats broccoli.

Storm

Diablo: Where are you?

Phoenix: Shhh. I’m hiding, here, under the bed.

Diablo: Okay.

Phoenix: Figured it was a good place to ride out the storm.

Diablo: Sure is windy. Even the geckos are getting blown across the patio.

Phoenix: Reminds me of the vacuum cleaner. Too much noise. All that rain rattling on the windows.

Diablo: What are you going to do in a hurricane?

Phoenix: I hope she has sense enough to get us the hell out of here.

Peace

Phoenix: The didn’t last too long

Diablo: Long enough. You creep me out when you get “possessed.”

Phoenix: Understandable. Friends, again?

Diablo: Friends, again. Now come over here and clean the back of my head.

Cat Fight

Diablo: I dare you.

Phoenix: Get out of my face.

Diablo: You stay away from me.

Phoenix: I ain't kiddin'.

Diablo: Nor am I, you fur ball.