Saturday, November 25, 2006

Giving Thanks

Diablo: What are you thankful for?

Phoenix: I am thankful for not being in that RV anymore. How about you? What are you thankful for?

Diablo: Rabbit and peas and that nice man who feed us for four days all the food we could get down into our tummies.

Phoenix: Be grateful he wasn't fatting you up for Thanksgiving dinner.

Diablo: What? He had a funny accent, but he didn't look Chinese to me.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Peas Please

Diablo: I smell French fries.

Phoenix: Heard you are going on a special diet.

Diablo: Mi Diet, Su Diet.

Phoenix: Heard you are going to eat kangaroo and peas.

Diablo: Sounds yummy. You smell French fries?

Phoenix: Peas?

Diablo: Yeah, peas. Except, they got to be canned. Only canned. Not frozen.

Phoenix: Peas?

Diablo: Yeah, peas. Where are those French Fries?

Phoenix: We are parked next to McDonald’s. Don’t get too excited. She’s not getting you any fries.

Diablo: Ummm. By the way…what is kangaroo?

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Missing Home

Diablo: Did you see that road sign?

Phoenix: West (By God) Virginia?

Diablo: That's a new one. How many states does that make?

Phoenix: No it isn’t. We went through West Virginia in June. In the Jeep. Remember?

Diablo: Oh yeah. That eighteen hour ordeal. How could I forget? We traveled all night.

Phoenix: You ended up hiding in a box in the back.

Diablo: So how many states have we been in?

Phoenix: Counting Tennessee? Fourteen.

Diablo: I liked Rhodes Island best. Good grass and great fried clams.

Phoenix: Me. I preferred Tennessee. Could have stayed in the office and forgot about all this.

Friday, November 10, 2006


Phoenix: I don’t believe it. There is something you won’t eat.

Diablo: It does weird things to me.

Phoenix: For a cat who eats peas, avocado, chick-peas, carrots, corn and hot salsa I can’t imagine why you don’t eat peanut butter.

Diablo: It sticks to the roof of my mouth.

Phoenix: By the way...

Diablo: I know. We ain't going south no more.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Teeth Marks

Phoenix: You are a loco cat.

Diablo: I don’t know what overcame me.

Phoenix: You have done that more times than all the cats she has ever had - combined. In fact, after the second time you exceeded all others.

Diablo: Let’s see. There was the time at the vet’s about two days after she rescued us from the pound.

Phoenix: Yes, you had not eaten a thing in two days and you were a little kitten. She was very concerned about your welfare.

Diablo: The vet had this great smelling foooood. Her hand was in the way. Then there was the time I brought her down like a water buffalo.

Phoenix: Right on her naked ass. You were possessed. A few months later you stalked her in the kitchen. Your wild-eyed crazed look made her jump up on the kitchen counter in order to escape.

Diablo: Yeah, she leapt off the counter, dashed into the bedroom and slammed the door to avoid me. I can’t help it. I could see her peaking out from beneath the door as I laid in front of it wanting to get in.

Phoenix: Don’t forget the time in the yard.

Diablo: Now that was perfectly excusable. Three dogs came wandering out of the woods. The scratches on her face were an accident. The scar is barely noticeable.

Phoenix: Torn a hole in her pants too.

Diablo: Claws needed a trim.

Phoenix: About six months ago…

Diablo: Again, an accident. I was going after you.

Phoenix: I remember. But last night? There was no call for it.

Diablo: She wouldn’t let me have any more popcorn.

Phoenix: Four punctures in her left hand. She has a book signing on Thursday. There goes dinner.

Diablo: Does it look infected?

Friday, November 03, 2006


Diablo: Get underneath the covers. It’s toasty.

Phoenix: It has to be 25 degrees in here.

Diablo: I am underneath the covers and I would appreciate you not stepping on me.

Phoenix: Oh, that was you? I’m just trying to find the warm spot.

Diablo: I’m trying to sleep. It is going to be a long, dark, cold night. Your ears are going to freeze if you don’t get underneath.

Phoenix: If I keep walking all over her, she’ll get up and turn on the heat. And it keeps me warm.

Diablo: You are driving me crazy. Lay down or I’ll have to swat you a good one.

Phoenix: It will take you ten minutes to find your way out from underneath that nest of blankets.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Still Alive

Diablo: That was stupid.

Phoenix: I have to keep her on her toes. After all, several times yesterday she stood in the doorway and almost dared us to jump outside.

Diablo: Yeah, but there is a huge difference between parked in a campground and speeding down the highway. She was driving when you weaseled your way into the cab. Major no-no. And then you freaked out meowing your head off.

Phoenix: She didn’t appreciate it when I jumped up on the dashboard in her line of vision.

Diablo: Hell, I didn’t appreciate it. She was in the middle of six lanes of traffic during rush hour in Raleigh. Were you trying to kill us?

Trying to get a better view.

Diablo: I thought you were the smart one.

I didn’t think she would ever pull over.

Diablo: I quit looking as I was hiding underneath the bed covers.

Bird Trance