Saturday, July 18, 2009

Bad Alarm Clock

Diablo: I'm doing all the work!

Phoenix: You are impatient, my friend.

Diablo: I'm hungry.

You're always hungry. Now sit here and look cute.

Diablo: She'll never get up.

It's 4:35am. Dawn's breaking. She'll wake up. And when she does, I'll be here to get some petting. Now be quiet. Enjoy the moment.

Petting poohie. I'd rather jump from the bed to the floor to the window to the floor and lumber down the hallway over and over again instead of sitting by her pillow listening to my stomach growl.

You're going to hear more than your tummy growl if you don't stop that.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Green Kitty

Phoenix: You look a little...sick.

Diablo: Ooooo. My belly hurts.

Can't imagine why. What did you eat now?

A chipmunk.

Heard they taste like chicken.

They do, but only on the way down.

You didn't.

Yeah, there is a little hind foot under the bed.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

T Shirts

Phoenix: You're selling t-shirts?

Diablo: Not just any old t-shirt, but those with my famous twitter quotes.

Phoenix: You serious?

Diablo: Totally. I'll take my wealth and by a tuna farm.

Phoenix: I don't think tuna grows on farms. It comes from the ocean.

Diablo: Ocean? Like water? Not going there.

Phoenix: Better rethink your plan.

Diablo: Tuna factory?

Friday, May 08, 2009

It's Our Adoption Day!

Diablo: I was bold, tiny and very sick.

Phoenix: I nearly puked on the car ride from the animal shelter to the office.

Diablo: I remember you panted so a dog. Scared Rob, but he didn't know beans from rice. That's when it was discovered that you really weren't declawed.

Phoenix: Secret weapons. Once we got to the office you spent the next day under the couch.

Diablo: I was sick. No appetite. Traumatic day. She took me to the vet and I bit her finger. Drew blood. But the vet kissed me on the nose. Calmed me down and then he gave me the best canned food ever.

Phoenix: That's when you started going home and coming back to the office every day. Lucky you. You've manage to keep biting her ever since.

Diablo: I got use to riding in the Jeep. It was fun. I'd sit on the dash and watch the telephone poles zoom by. I tried to catch 'em. And I don't bit as much any more!

Phoenix: Those were the days.

Diablo: These are the days. The old man left chicken on the counter the other night. Heaven.

Phoenix: Happy ten years? Or is it nine? It's not a cat thing to keep track of time.

Diablo: Got cake?

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Night Watch

Phoenix: What have you been doing?

Diablo: 'a little busy right now.

Phoenix: You have been racing back and forth at least twenty times.

Diablo: There is something outside. It keeps moving.

Phoenix: Where?

Diablo: Look out this window. Better view. Oops! It moved. Back to the kitchen window.

Phoenix: Where?

Diablo: There. Okay, back to the bedroom. I bet'cha you can see it better from there. See? See? What the heck is that? It's huge!

Phoenix: It's a deer. And someone is going to be pissed tomorrow morning when he discovers they have been eating the bushes.

Diablo: Speaking of eating. All this business has made me hungry. Can you eat deer?

Phoenix: You'll have more luck unscrewing the lid to the catfood canister.

Diablo: That can be arranged.

Sunday, May 03, 2009


Phoenix: How' you managing this? These twitter followers?

Diablo: It just happens.

Phoenix: Who are they?

Diablo: I don't know. They just come. Kind of like I built a baseball field.

Phoenix: Build it and they will come?

Diablo: Yeah, that's right.

Phoenix: So what are you building?

Diablo: A legion.

Phoenix: I think you mean a legend. Like in you're own mind.

Diablo: And we'll play baseball and eat hotdogs. Yummm. I can smell them now.

Phoenix: I knew this would get around to food.

Friday, May 01, 2009


Diablo: Guess who twittered me?

Phoenix: Can't imagine.

Diablo: Valerie!

Phoenix: The Goddess of all Sweet Goodness?

Diablo:That be the one.
Phoenix: When's she coming?

Diablo: Soon, I hope. I put in an order for fish. Fresh Ahi!

Phoenix: You'll be lucky to get a pea.

Diablo: Humm? I like peas too.

Thursday, April 30, 2009


Phoenix: What have you been doing all afternoon?

Thinkin'of poetry.

Phoenix: Oh, boy. This ought to be good.

Diablo: This little piggy went to Mexico, While this little piggy stayed home. And this little piggy got Swine Flu and this little piggy got none.

Wait...Stop right there.

Best part coming up.

Phoenix: No...too much TV for you.

Diablo: Rats

Monday, April 27, 2009

This Little Piggy

Phoenix: Did you just sneeze?

Diablo: Yes, Bless me.

Phoenix: You coming down with a cold?

Diablo: No way. Basement dust. Some dust bunnies behind the home heating fuel tank are the size of bears.


Diablo: Okay, not that big. But big. Trust me. Maybe the size of pigs.


: Okay, okay, okay...the size of a stupid cotton ball. What of it?

Phoenix: Just as long as you're sure you didn't catch the swine flue.

Hell, I can't even catch a bird. How am I going to catch a swine?

Friday, April 24, 2009

New Territory

Diablo: What's with this new chummie relationship you got going on here?

Oh, it's nothing.

Don't give me that. You've taken to sittin' on the Old Man's lap.

Phoenix: So?

Diablo: You don't think she's not coming back do you?

Phoenix: It's been awhile. Hell, there ain't any more snow on the ground and she ain't here.

Diablo: So?

So what?

You know. How did it feel?

Phoenix: Warm and toasty.

Diablo: Yeah, I miss sitting on her lap.

Phoenix: Me too.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Spring In The Air

Phoenix: How's that twitter thing working for ya?

Diablo: Lots of cute cats out there. Crazy people too.

Phoenix: Any birds?

Diablo: None I can eat.

Phoenix: So what's the point?

Diablo: Didn't you hear me? Lots of cute cats.

Friday, April 10, 2009


Phoenix: What did you do?

Diablo: I signed up on twitter. My twitter character is Southbound Cat

Phoenix: That's original. Why'd you sign up?

Diablo: Twitter. Get it? A bird. I thought it would be something I could eat.

Phoenix: I don't see any feathers hanging out of your mouth.

Diablo: I'm still trying to figure it out. It's more complicated than figuring out how to open a cupboard door.

Phoenix: There's got to be something to eat with twenty million users. Someone is bound to leave a bag of Cheetos behind.

Diablo: That's what I figured. I got followers and things I'm following. But so luck in the food department.