A Conspiracy?

Diablo: I bet you were scared.

Phoenix: Not until that huge pit bull came through the waiting room. Compared to the canine, the needle looked pretty tame, even if she never stuck anyone with needle before.

Diablo: What was it like?

Phoenix: Not too bad. She did a pretty good job on the first try. She told the vet it felt like taking a sewing needle and pushing through a piece of cloth.

Diablo: A piece of leather maybe?

Phoenix: I’m not that tough skinned.

Diablo: How much trouble are you going to give her? Squirming? Clawing? Any biting?

Phoenix: Well, she is feeling a bit queasy about the whole process. She actually asked the vet for some Valium. I don’t think I should pull any shenanigans. Her being a novice and all. We are talking about a needle. She mentioned to the vet that she was headed back south.

Diablo: That’s worth one good nip. Right between the forefinger and thumb.

Phoenix: No kidding. But I’ll let you have the honors. Wouldn’t want to mar my reputation.

Special Diet

Diablo: Why do you get all the goodie food?

Phoenix: You mean the canned food? That's because it is a special diet.

Diablo: SO?

Phoenix: Look. You eat almost anything and you're getting a little chubby. So she doesn't feed you as much.

Diablo: I'm hungry.

Phoenix: Get use to it. If this was January you'd be a resolution.

Better

Diablo: You feeling better?

Phoenix: Yeah, but still a little weak.

Diablo: You keep puking. On the bed, on the rug and today on the freshly laundried tablecloth and place mats.

Phoenix: Convenient at the time.

Sick Kitty

Diablo: What’s wrong?

Phoenix: Kidneys, apparently.

Diablo: Shit

Phoenix: No, piss.

Diablo: Serious?

Phoenix: Pretty much. Kidneys are having a hard time cleaning up the protein residue. I have an infection. Awful thirsty, food tastes like crap…

Diablo: Ooooh, that is serious. But aren’t you kind of young to have kidney trouble.

Phoenix: The Vet had a hard time believing I am only eight. Kidney failure happens much later for us felines. Now I have to eat a special diet. You eat D/D. I eat K/D.

Diablo: D/D is for dander disease and K/D is for kidney disease?

Phoenix: Something like that.

Diablo: You know she’ll take good care of you.

Phoenix: A pill jammed down my throat twice a day ain’t much fun.

Fig Newtons

Phoenix: You know you can climb a tree if you want to get that squirrel.

Diablo: Really?

Phoenix: Yeah, use your claws?

Diablo: Hum? Okay. How do I get down?

Phoenix: That is the tricky part. It involves physics.

Diablo: Fizzy-icks? Doesn’t sound too good.

Phoenix: Everything in the universe works on it. Something called Newton’s Laws.

Diablo: Rules, rules and more rules. Like I can’t eat off the dining room table?

Phoenix: Not exactly. More like a body in motion tends to stay in motion.

Diablo: Oh, that explains why dogs chase their tails.

Phoenix: Yeah, and a body at rest tends to stay at rest.

Diablo: Sure I get it. Cat naps. Now that is a law I can live with.

Phoenix: How about for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction?

Diablo: Easy one. Eat cat food. Poop cat food.

Phoenix: Well, something like that.

Diablo: So what has Newton got to do with getting out of a tree?

Phoenix: The Law of Gravity. Seems this Newton guy was sitting under a tree and a something fell on his head.

Diablo: A cat? You want me to fall out of the tree?

Phoenix: You want to get that squirrel, don’t you?

Diablo: I think I'll look for some figs and gravy in the kitchen.

Flashback

Diablo: You see that?

Phoenix: Jesus, Mary and Joseph!!

Diablo: Have you heard her say anything?

Phoenix: No, and I don't want to hear anything! What the hell is that RV doing in the drive way?

Diablo: Looks like it is getting prepped for a road trip.

Phoenix: I can tell you right now... I am NOT GOING!

Diablo: Do we have the option?