Monday, February 10, 2014

On to Sochi

It has been particularly tough to get the Goddess to post this year’s sojourn. She never liked me traveling while she escaped the harsh winter’s of upstate New York for the shark infested waters of Hawaii. She doesn’t swim in the ocean so I have never understood why she must travel 5000 miles to swim in a pool when there is a perfectly fine one five miles down the road at the YMCA. But never mind that. 

She leaves me every winter. Why should I stick around with the OLD MAN and Phoenix?  This year I planned to join the US Bobsled Team in Sochi because I actually know a young man who participated on the US team. Except the US didn’t qualify three sleds in the Olympics so he didn’t qualify to participate. I was bummed. Goddess thought I should pass on the games because of this and because of well….being in Russia and everything about the security of the place. But you know me.

I was to travel with the bobsled team, but with my friend not going, I took @lucky_GSD’s (Ms Lucky) offer to fly on a private jet. I was a bit apprehensive. I’m not a flier, preferring trains, but the logistics of train travel obviously doesn’t work when going from the US to Russia.  

We left right after the Denver Broncos got creamed in the SuperBowl. (And The Donald and I closed a real estate deal in Jersey).  I like cream, but this was awful. You see, the Goddess has followed Peyton Manning since his Tennessee days. As for me…I’m from Tennessee and I bleed orange especially when it comes to Women’s Basketball.  But since there was nothing to celebrate after the SuperBowl we took off from Tetersboro Airport on an over night flight to Iceland.

Yepper, Iceland. I’m not sure why, but I think it was to stock up on crab. Oh yeah, maybe to refuel the jet too.  I spent my day trying to pronounce Eyjafjallajökull.

Ms Lucky insisted on bringing this huge mysterious bag onboard the plane. Hey, it was her jet so how could I oppose the cargo? Little did I know she was preparing to remodel the hotel room. She thought our accommodations would not be up to par. How she knew that electrical boxes were in the shower and the toilets are …um two seaters?  (Not that we cared.) Anyway, the concrete cutter came in real handy.

She was looking for a perfect disguise so she would not be picked up as a stray dog. You know Canadian tags don’t count in Sochi. So for the first couple of days we became undercover construction workers. We milled through the tourist and athletes for a couple of days but once the hotel guests discovered their accommodations were not quite first world standard, we started to catch some heat from the not-so-happy campers.  No matter, by then we are hanging around the Japanese Olympic TUNA bar. Those guys know sushi.

The hotel guests needed to chill their attitudes about the accommodations, so nothing like scoring some vodka and having a few rounds of fun to boot. Before the Opening Ceremony could commence I had a Quasi Bobsled Team formed. Actually, it involved a luggage cart on the fourth floor. Hotel management didn’t like the race through the lobby but all was made right when we let them in on the vodka stash.  Bribes and vodka go far in Russia.

But it might have been a little over the top when I reenacted last year’s Iditarod Race with the laundry carts and the housekeeping staff. It was kind of a salute to my partner in the race @rosieandcheeto’s Woofie Monster. He went over the Rainbow Bridge last fall so we were glad he lived his dream.  Rest in Peace, friend.

Hopefully, I can get Goddess to post more often. I hear she is actually working two jobs in Hawaii. Sucker.

Meanwhile, Let’s see who I can photobomb! And then there is the official Putin portrait.


Juan Meowmix said...


Mariam Kobras said...

Just one word: CAVIAR!!!