Florida Hospitality

Whew. The other night I lounged in the pool house, entranced by the swirling lights and bubbles jetting up from the Jacuzzi. The soothing sounds of bubbles. Soon I was peaceful dozing. After logging 1400 miles, fighting fearsome blizzards, crossing a huge ass bridge/tunnel, being held hostage by a bag lady, threatened by thugs on a ferry, and tromping through every Podunk little town in rural Alabama, I made it to Florida. The challenges became no less. I had to avoid Gators of the meat eating type and crazy Greeks in Tarpon Springs who want nothing more than to marry a Goddess who owns a very smart cat. But finally, after a two months odyssey I relaxed with a belly full of tuna in the company of my good pal, TooncesCat.

I had to use the code to gain secret entry. The human of the house was expecting one filthy ragtag fur pile in need of a bath. Why she thought that a bath would be necessary I couldn’t imagine. Sure, I’ve tromped through my share of swamps across the state, but I’m just like any other cat, meticulous about grooming. I ain't no off the street stray.

Not to be a rude guest, I brought a little gift and left it on the front steps. I tried not to leave too much cat spit on the bird when I took the head off. My presentation superb. Two little feet sticking straight up in the air. The only thing missing were two exs on the glazed-over eyes. Why the humans sigh in appreciation I’ll never understand?

Not to be disturbed Toonces locked us into the pool house. After ordering room service and downing a six pack of tuna, Toonces and I settled back and to talk story. Indeed I had a few and this is one I shared with him.

I grew up a traveling cat, shuttled back and forth from the office to the house for a good number of years before she decided to take off and join the Peace Corps. That left me and Phoenix with the guys in the office. They did their best to take care of us, but did not provide the same high quality care to which we had grown accustom. Even though she had left detailed instructions, they fed us more than we should have eaten. When the Goddess returned, we were two very fat cats. I mean fat. I couldn’t jump on a counter top to save my life, much less to steal a chicken bone.

Being a bit of a health nut, she immediately put us on strict diets. That’s when life changed drastically. We were moved out of the office and relocated to a studio apartment. It was just big enough to turn around in and find your own tail. While we were now on a starvation diets, Goddess remodeled the kitchen and completed her book. Fortunately, we were not there long. We set off on a traveling adventure, a book tour.

Little did I know that the studio apartment would be huge in comparison to the nineteen foot RV she packed us into. I took it in stride, but Phoenix was bound and determined to break out of that moving prison.

One day we stopped in a busy shopping mall on Cape Cod. While Goddess paid a visit to a book store, Phoenix clawed at the sliding screen. That cat managed to get it open just enough for me to slip my now skinny body through. When she got back and saw the window was open, she gasped in horror. Imagine busy parking lot, zooming cars, strange people walking by and acres of trees around the perimeter. And of course, I had no clue as to where I was.

Inside she found Phoenix, but I was gone. She came outside and looked around the RV. She stared at the nearby woods. The scrub pine left the ground covering all brown. Brown cat, brown ground. She’d never find me. And no telling how long I had been gone.

She sat on the ground near the RV and began to cry. Rats. I felt so sorry for her. Even though she was hauling us around the country in that stupid RV, I couldn’t leave her. So when she looked up, there I was. Right beside her. Talk about hugs and kisses. I think she was a little miffed at Phoenix for opening the window and all, but she never let on. She got out a roll of duct tape and taped every screen shut. That’s when Phoenix started messing with the door! But that is another story.

You see, I figure she will be so happy to see me when I get to Hawaii.