Pre Race Interview

Here are some excerpts from a recent interview conducted by the racing committee for the Iditarod.

Iditarod: Today, there are mushers, who are relatively new to the sport. To make sure, they at least have some experience, it is asked that they finish a minimum of 750 miles of racing, of which 2 of those races have to be 300 miles in lengths. Another good idea, is the requirement that they have to be in the top 75% of the field in their qualification race, thus ensuring a certain level of competitiveness. This is your first Iditarod entry. What is your previous sledding experience?

Diablo: Once I slid around the corner of the kitchen trying to get to the TUNA bowl before Phoenix. It wasn’t a pretty crash and burn. But I won! As far as the lengths of the race, I’ve traveled to Hawaii from New York. How long is that?  And I traveled from New York to London and back. How far is that?

Iditarod: You will be up against experienced mushers from around the world. You are a true rookie. How do you expect to be competitive?

Diablo: The Woofie Monster was born to run. And my sled is tiny. He’ll be pulling an eight pound cat.  Do the math. Besides, we aren’t from Jamaica.

Iditarod: We do have a musher from Jamaica.

Diablo: I guess I made my case.

Iditarod: Um, well. Yes, where exactly are you from?

Diablo: Woofie Monster is from his mama’s dog and I’m from my mama’s cat.

Iditarod: I don’t think you understood my question.

Diablo: I don’t think you understood my answer.

Iditarod: Okay, this is a 1000 mile race, across some very isolated, barren and cold terrain. How have you prepared to survive the ordeal?  

Diablo: First, the dog has no idea how long this trek is. Please don’t tell him. He thinks this will be a romp in a Chicago Dog Park.  We have air support being provided by two expert flyers: @bicdelou and @Rio_Conure who will air drop treats provided by @Mariam Kobras.

Iditarod: Aren’t these Twitter accounts?

Diablo: Your point?  I’m a Twitter Cat with a dog borrowed from a Twitter friend @rosieandcheeto.

Iditarod:  Most mushers have sponsor support.  Do you have any big name sponsors?

Diablo: Have you ever pulled a Band-aid off your hairy arm? I’m not wearing stickers on my fur. Besides, do I look like a race car?  But seriously, I have over 5800 followers on Twitter rooting for me and the Woofie Monster.  Go team.

Alaska Bound

Once again she has left me for Hawaii. So you know what that means? Road trip for the cat! If you have been a follower of mine on Twitter for the past few years you know I can’t stand to be left looking out the window for the next six months. Talk about cabin fever!  In the past, I have chased after her and made my way to Hawaii after I visited numerous Twitter friends across the US. The final leg of the trip, across the Pacific Ocean, was achieved when I stowed away on a cargo shipped manned by crazy Croatians.  The next year, with an official invitation in my little paws I went to the Royal Wedding and later cruised back to New York on the Queen Mary II.  And last year I blundered around the Mexican jungles looking for the answer to the mysteries of Mayan calendar. What a world-ending debacle that turned out to be.  For 2014 I have in mind to go to Russia for the Winter Olympics. In the meantime, however…

It’s North to the Future. Alaska. Land of the Midnight Sun, except in January. Or February. Or even March.  I know this seems crazy. But let’s put credit where credit is due. It was the dog from Canada. Yeah LuckyDog put this idea in my biscuit-size head.  Blame the dog is my motto.  LuckyDog lives in the great north and is learning to be a dog once again.  Lucky Dog is a rescue and resides with ten other dogs. I shudder to think of the chaos. You can follow the luckiest dog in the world at @LuckyDog on Twitter.

Alaska is a beautiful state. Goddess once lived there. She was in the Army way back when dinosaurs ruled the earth and dirt was cheap.  She still has a good old Army buddy living in Eagle River, just outside of Anchorage. He’s a pilot.  So I might stop in for I can smell the salmon.

It will be February when we arrive. All Alaskan will be in the deep grip of the dead of winter when days can’t get longer or warmer fast enough.  But nothing gets the free thriving self-sustaining spirit of Alaskans down.  They throw parties like Fur Rondy. That’s the crazy festival they have in Anchorage called Fur Rendezvous. Yup, we will be in the thick of it.

Oh, did I say we in that last paragraph?  Yes, for the first time I will not be traveling alone. It’s not my homie Phoenix. She’s called my homie for a reason. 

I need appropriate transportation on this journey and what better mode than a sled pulled by a canine?  Where do I get a willing huskie to drag me and my kittehn backpack to the 49^th state? Chicago of course. After a consultation with my friend Cheeto (of @rosieandcheeto fame) he convinced and enlisted the woofie monster to join me. His name is Rockford, but he’s never called that. The goofie lug not only volunteered to accompany me but wants to participate in the Last Great Race in the World. No, not the Amazing Race. The Last Great Race. The Iditarod or as Cheeto refers to it the Idiot-rod.

I know this snap of the huskie doesn't look like he is in any condition to run the Iditarod, but I have a conditioning plan.

I got to bust out of NY and head to Chicago next week. I’m picking up a dog. Hope he can jump trains with the Yard Cats.

First leg: Seattle.

Join me on Twitter. That’s @southboundcat.