North Bound?

Diablo: I thought we were headed south.

Phoenix: We were.

Diablo: And now?

Phoenix: I think we are back in New York. It feels different. Something is wrong.

Diablo: I am not sure what it is. I have sat on her lap and purred. She seems to need this now.

Easy Treats

Diablo: Let me ask you a question. How come I have to go outside on the leash and when I come in she rewards me with a treat or two and then she tosses you one too? You did not do anything for the treat.

Phoenix: That is why I am known as the smart cat.

Sight Seeing

Phoenix: What a long day. Stop and go, stop and go. I think she was torturing us.

Diablo: She was sight seeing.

Phoenix: It upsets my sense of balance and what is right with the world.

Diablo: Give me a break. You make out like you are being tortured. If you aren’t careful and change that look, someone might come by and call the Humane Society. We both have been on that side of the fence. We don’t want to go back there. No one is going to adopt two, old cats. Every one wants a cute, adorable fuzzy kitten, even if they are not litter trained. We would be condemned within six weeks of hell living in a cage before the end of out days! And you? Look at you. Who wants a skinny cat?

Phoenix: Well, one would look at you and they would pass you by too. Who wants a fat cat? You’d frighten them into thinking you would bust their household budget.

Diablo: So see, we are better off on this rod trip. Outside of a few hours of travel every few days, it isn’t so bad. Get to smell those fishy ocean breezes, watch birds, rabbits and squirrels in the camp grounds…

Phoenix: You seem to be contented. You took to the cat scratching pad Valerie bought to keep you from tearing up the carpet on the walls. And then you played like a foolish little kitten with that paper bag the corn came in.

Diablo: Corn. Yummy. She left three ears out on the counter and I got to eat some of it raw. So delicious.

Phoenix: You are one sick cat. You think anyone else in the world would feed you corn and green beans.

Diablo: Yummm. Green beans. Being carnivorous is so over-rated.

Rabbit

Phoenix: If you had been paying attention to my incredible problem-solving abilities, you would know how to open the door. When that fat little rabbit came waltzing past the door you could have swung that door open and....dinner. It would have been surprised.

Diablo: Did you see its smug attitude?

Phoenix: All I saw was your face smashing into the screen and your tail beating as fast as the windshield wipers in a deluge.

Diablo: Well you have a new problem to solve now. Valerie put a child-proof latch on the slide.

Phoenix: Elementary. I watched the whole installation process.

Diablo: And the bungee cord to keep the door shut?

Phoenix: Working on it.

Diablo: If you don’t watch out that door will come flying back to hit you in the face.

The Brains and the Brawn

Home Depot

Diablo: Okay Einstein. You now have figured out how to open the slide to the screen door, and you have managed to open the screen door as well.

Phoenix: It is good to have options.

Diablo: Well, we are now going on a tip to Home Depot, thanks to you.

Phoenix: I won’t be deterred.

The Plot

Diablo: She doesn’t expect you to make it back home.

Phoenix: I kind of think there isn’t a home anymore. First she takes us out of the office where, I got to tell you, life was good, even if David loved throwing me up in the air like a sag of potatoes.

Diablo: Yeah and I could got all kinds of junk food out of the office snack bar after you learned how to open the sling glass door.

Phoenix: A trick that came in pretty handy. Then for six months she sequestered us in that tiny studio apartment while she remodeled the kitchen.

Diablo: Remember when you got behind the wall?. She was pissed.

Phoenix: Pissed because I out smarted her. I waited patiently for two days before I saw my opportunity to sneak behind her and through that hole in the wall. Anyway, then she dragged us on that all night trip in her Jeep to spend a month at her parents’ house in New York. What are Tennessee cats to make of these Yankees?

Diablo: That wasn’t too bad. I managed to put on a few grams eating our Yankee cousin’s food. I don’t think The Booter cat was any worst for it.

Phoenix: I showed you where the food was and how to bust into the jar.

Diablo: I liked sitting at the dinner table, putting on the charm. Her mom thought I was the sweetest cat. Couldn’t figure out how Valerie resisted feeding me table scraps.

Phoenix: Valerie didn’t like that love handle you acquired. That is the reason she has us on a diet now. Speaking of now…look at our plight. Where are we headed? There is no home. We are just roaming around trying to sell a book about sailing. I heard there is a story in there about throwing cats overboard.

Diablo: Please…don’t speak of such things.

Phoenix: I am busting out of here.

Diablo: You have managed to open the slide on the screen door twice and jump out. You might be smart, but it wasn’t too cool in the middle of the night.

Phoenix: Hey, I am a cat. I can see at night.

Diablo: I might have all the looks and you all the brains, but I think I rather take my chances in the RV.

Phoenix: If she puts me on that leash one more time, I am out of here.