Housekeeping

Phoenix: So, who was hiding under the bed this morning?

Diablo: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Phoenix: What's the matter? Scared?

Diablo: No. Just didn't feel like leaving.

Phoenix: Me neither. But what was the alternative? Live under the bed, until the maid comes with the vacuum cleaner?

Diablo: Judging by the loose change, candy wrappers and dust bunnies, I don't think that was going to be a problem.

Phoenix: Amen.

Heading North

Diablo: Excuse me. 'You going to spend all night under the bed?

Phoenix: What’s it to ya?

Diablo: Oh, come on. The motel ain’t that bad. Look there is a nice view from the window. Looks like we are on the third floor. Hey, there's the Jeep in the parking lot.

Phoenix: Jeep. Don't remind me.

Diablo: Man. She got the air conditioning fixed just for us. We are back in Tennessee. Jack Daniels, Barbeque, and Little Debbies.

Phoenix: Quit it with the food.

Diablo: Oops, I’m sorry. I forgot. You know, she took you puking up all over her pretty well. Pretty clever of her to have those paper towels in the front seat. What was wrong?

Phoenix: Car sick.

Diablo: Yeah, at mile ten. With 1530 more to go.

Phoenix: Don’t remind me.

HideNseek

Diablo: I am pretending to be a gecko. See how well I can blend into the carpet.

Phoenix: I'm pretending to be asleep.

Food Issues

Phoenix: I guess you are ready to go to Hawaii?

Diablo: How’s that?

Phoenix: Papaya? You were eating papaya.

Diablo: No, I wasn’t.

Phoenix: To hell you weren’t.

Diablo: I was licking the yogurt and hemp powder left behind. Like Rachel Ray says, “Delish.”

Phoenix: And how do you know Rachel Ray?

Diablo: Same way you know what a papaya is. Just call me Aloha Kitty.

Whinnie-The-Pooh

Phoenix: I hate that parfait glass.

Diablo: She puts it in the frrezer and when I put my head in there... God what an ice cream head ache.

Phoenix: Last night, I thought you were going to get your head stuck in the glass.

Diablo: It’s too hard to reach the bottom. My tongue isn't that long. I had to get that last drop.

Phoenix: Neat trick sticking your paw in there. You look like Whinnie-The-Pooh.

Diablo: Who?

Phoenix: Never mind.

Diablo: What's your favorite flavor?

Phoenix: Cookies and Cream.

Diablo: Now you're sounding a bit like me.

Gecko Heads

Diablo: I see you're getting more food.

Phoenix: That is the intent, but you keep eating out of my bowl.

Diablo: How many geckos have you eaten?

Phoenix: Seven or eight.

Diablo: You never eat the heads.

Phoenix: Too personal.

Diablo: What?

Heat

Phoenix: She is such a push over. For months your diet has been strictly rabbit and peas. Your fur has grown back and you are shedding more cat hair than a New Zealander can shear off a sheep.

Diablo: Lamb’s good. I love lamb.

Phoenix: Now every morning when she fixes a cup of decaf, she gives you a spoonful of half and half.

Diablo: Cream’s good. I love cream too.

Phoenix: You’re spoiled rotten.

Diablo: Hey, I don’t see you hiding behind the door when the refrigerator is open. I also noticed more food in your bowl every day. She called you scrawny in one of her stories.

Phoenix: She called you chunky.

Diablo: Hey, it’s the fur.

Phoenix: Yeah, and I went to England to frighten the little mouse under the Queen’s chair.

Diablo: You think she is ever going to turn on the air?

Phoenix: I doubt it.

Diablo: I wish I was still naked.